The Rise of Gary Stu: Final Mix
by Reaper-Lawliet
Summary: Rewrite. Sequel to Miss Mary Sue. Mary Sue had an angsty brother, named Gary Stu. When a new threat arises that threatens to destroy the fandoms as we know them, Gary Stu must join forces with some unlikely allies to stop her and save the fandoms.
1. Angst Bucket

**The Rise of Gary Stu: Final Mix**  
By Reaper-Lawliet

Disclaimer: I still don't own Kingdom Hearts.

**A/N:** Here it is, guys. The beginning of the rewritten tale of Gary Stu. I can't promise updates will be speedy, but I will try my best. Like MMS, I'm going to be deleting the old chapters and completely replacing them with the new ones, so you can get email alerts when I update if you so choose.

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Angst Bucket**

_To Whom it may Concern, _

_By now, the contents of the case file known as "Miss Mary Sue" have been made available to the general public for quite some time. It has become well-circulated, and many know of Mary Sue 53-Name and her attempts (in vain) to win the nonexistent heart of a Nobody named Marluxia in the Kingdom Hearts fandom. She later met her demise at the hands of Mary Sue Slayer Force officer Katelyn Hart, who defeated her armed only with a gun and the paperback edition of _Pride and Prejudice.

_However, there were many questions left unanswered at Mary Sunlight Ramen Dawn Moonbeam Starlight Shimmer Heaven Earth Coffee Starbucks Hamster Gym Socks Cloud Gumdrop Materia Christmas Turtle Soup Daisy Miso Neko Kawaii Amazing Gorgeous Loch Ness Candy Rainbow Apple Cloud Rain Snow Hail Sleet Strife Heart Lily Athena Ocean Star January February March April May June July August September October November December Antidisestablishmentarianism Sue's death, one of which being the fate of her younger brother, whom was mentioned several times throughout the saga. The following case file chronicles the events that happened directly after Mary Sue 53-Name's death._

_A word of warning: The Mary Sue Slayer Force (MSSF) is not responsible for any brain cell loss done to the reader when reading this file. Read at your own caution._

* * *

"You'll pay for the death of my sister, Katelyn Hart. For my name isn't…Gary Stu!"

Those were the words spoken by our new, angst-filled protagonist when last we heard of him, but as he gets his own story now, he deserves more of a formal introduction. After all, he is the title character. As he so cleverly stated in his cliché opening line, this boy's name was in fact Gary Stu. Actually, as you probably guessed, that was merely a nickname. His full name was…(pause for dramatic effect!)

…_Gary T. Stu_

What does the 'T' stand for? Well, it stands for, of course…(cue dramatic pause!)

…'_The'._

Of course, that was just a nickname, as well. His real name was much, much longer. It is not exactly safe to be disclosed at this time, however. The reason being is that it is so angsty, it may cause spontaneous combustion upon reading. Many break down crying when they hear it. Some are so overwhelmed by guilt when they hear it, they begin calling fourteenth cousins twice removed that they haven't spoken to in about fourteen years and invite them to poker night. Gary Stu's true name may also cause drowsiness, and one should not operate heavy machinery after reading/hearing it.

There's more to a man than just his name, however. Gary Stu looked to be about thirteen, but in reality, he was 78,888,944 years old. However, similarly to his older sister, he had been a horrible, freak accident, which caused him to appear thirteen forever. He always complained about it, but that isn't really important, seeing as he always complained about everything. If he didn't complain, he was brooding. Those were his two biggest hobbies. He had won the annual brooding competition seven years in a row. He did have another hobby, of course- manly knitting.

Our protagonist has jet black hair and piercing, crimson eyes that can stare straight into your soul. It's quite unnerving, really. He was usually seen clad in tight leather that would generally make one wonder why that would be at all practical to wear, other than looking badass. Did I mention he was also drop-dead gorgeous? Guys wanted to be him. Girls wanted to marry him. Female birds turned their heads and flew straight into oncoming traffic at the sight of him. Male birds swore vengeance and wanted to take him one-on-one in a steal cage match.

At his hip was his ever-present sword, Sakuradeathblade. Sakuradeathblade was made of an unbreakable metal so sharp, just looking at it could cut you into little pieces. It also happened to be a very manly shade of fuchsia. Its sheathe was knit in a very manly fashion by Gary Stu himself, complete with frowny faces.

Like any hero who was too awesome for his own good, Gary Stu happened to have a weakness. Yes, his Achilles' Heel, the kryptonite to his Superman, the water to his Wicked Witch of the West, the coherent plotline to his Stephanie Meyer.

Besides being just a little bit too awesome, if he was touched by a cute, sweet kitten, Gary Stu would explode into emo, sparkly dust. Why? Because they were too gosh darn cute.

* * *

Moving on from the descriptions of our favorite broody thirteen year-old, Gary Stu was still hiding behind the building across the street from where Mary Sue Slayer Force officer Katelyn Hart and her boyfriend (who was also in the MSSF), Matthew Stone, were happily sitting and eating lunch. He took a pair of dark sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on, for no reason other than to look cool.

"Your time is limited, Katelyn Hart! You will rue the day you killed my sister!"

Gary Stu proceeded to laugh manically for a minute, but then began coughing. Darn it, he should have taken his inhaler before deciding to laugh manically on-end like that.

He wiped his mouth after he was done coughing. "Okay, maniacal laughing over. Time to get down to business!"

Before he could defeat the Huns, the angsty young man's cell phone began to ring.

"_CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIN, THESE WOUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEEEEEEEEEAL-"_

Sighing at the sound of his extremely predictable ringtone, he took the phone out his pocket and reluctantly answered. What foolish mortal could possibly want to bother him? This had better be pretty freaking important.

"_Hello, this is Emily Smith,"_ said a woman's voice on the other end, "_would you like to buy a magic foot massager?"_

That was what he got for giving the people at the mall his cell phone number. Here he was, trying to come with a cartoonishly elaborate revenge plot on the woman who murdered his perfect angel of a sister, and some woman was calling him about magic foot massages. Why did this always happen to him? Life was so unfair! He didn't see this happening to his sister! Well, that was probably because she always gave those people at the mall his phone number, but that was besides the point. Oh, and there was the fact that she was dead, but he selectively chose to forget that for the moment. An overwhelming wave of angst came over Gary Stu, which evolved into anger.

"Do you have any idea what I'm trying to do right now, you senseless waste of human life?" Gary Stu hissed, trying to keep from shouting and giving himself away. "I'm trying to avenge the death of my sister, and I'm on the phone with a moron trying to sell cheap foot care products!"

Emily Smith didn't seem to be fazed. _"Order now and we'll throw in free lotion!"_

Gary Stu was quite the fan of cucumber melon lotion. Plus, his feet were in need of a magic massage. Tight leather boots weren't exactly the most comfortable thing in the worlds.

"How much for one?" Gary Stu asked, seemingly reluctantly, even if he was quite happy about his purchase. Suddenly, however, he remember something. "I need to senselessly angst about this, hold on."

He remember all the wrong things he had done in his life- ripping the tags off mattresses, jaywalking, not leaving a tip for waiters at restaurants, and many other things. Did he truly deserve the luxury of massaged feet? Of course not! No one so cold and heartless as he was did! Think of all the tag-less mattresses! His life was a spiraling depression on a never-ending road to nowhere! But…he had to push on. He had to buy the magic foot massager. The cucumber melon lotion was calling his name.

Resolving to buy the foot massager, Gary Stu returned to the phone conversation. "Okay, I'm done. How much for one?"

"_25 Munny, plus shipping and handling."_

Gary Stu once again reached into his seemingly spray painted on pockets and checked for his black wallet, which he had knit in a rather manly fashion several months ago. Upon inspection, he luckily had enough Munny to buy his foot massager. Then again, it didn't really matter how much he had in his wallet, because he and his sister were filthy stinking rich for no apparent reason. He just learned not to question it after a while.

After he finished making his purchase, Gary Stu pocketed his phone. He switched his attention back to Kate and his revenge scheme. He was growing far too impatient to do the smart thing and come up with a plan, so he decided that charging would be the smartest thing to do.

In a very "FOR NARNIA!"-esque movement, Gary Stu bolted from where he was sitting and ran into then street. However, he forget the most basic rule of road safety: always look both ways before crossing the street. It's really quite important. Just because you're an angst-ridden thirteen year-old doesn't mean you can just meander across the street whenever you want.

And so, in a very anticlimactic fashion, Gary Stu was hit by a cement truck.

"_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

* * *

Gary Stu vaguely felt the sensation of falling and the scent of tacos.

_Where am I? Am I dead? Did someone not invite me to Taco Night again?_

Our hero opened his eyes to see that he was floating down, head-first onto a large, stained glass platform. On the platform appeared to be a large image of his sister, wielding all three of her infamous Keyblades. There were smaller headshots of people he vaguely recognized in circles around the large one of sister. One of them was a young lady with brown hair in a messy ponytail, stubborn brown eyes, and a black leather jacket. He recognized her as Katelyn Hart. Below her was a young man with pale skin, thick glasses, gray eyes, and a green, military-style jacket worn open over a black turtleneck. Gary Stu recalled his name being Matthew "Matt" Stone. Below him was unmistakably Marluxia, pink hair and all. Finally, least but not least, was an image of Gary Stu himself.

Instead of crashing headfirst into the platform and shattering it into a million pieces (since it appeared to be made of glass), he gracefully landed on his feet.

"Where the heck am I?" our hero pondered aloud.

"_Another one? How many is that this month? I should get paid for this, I swear…"_

Gary Stu almost jumped at the sound of a random disembodied voice. The key word there is 'almost'- he was too cool, and too levelheaded to be startled be a creepy, pissed off-sounding voice that clearly was not happy to see him. Well, Mister Voice, he wasn't exactly thrilled to be there and not extracting revenge, either.

"Where am I?" said angst bucket demanded.

The disembodied voice crunched on what sounded like a taco and completely ignored his question. _"You have a great destiny set out before you and all that. It will begin in roughly five minutes."_

"Do I capture the Avatar- I mean, kill Katelyn Hart?"

"_What do I look like, a psychic? I'm just giving you the same spiel I give everyone who comes here."_ The disembodied voice paused to crunch on taco. _"'You're destined for great things and your adventure will begin at a certain time of day'. I get at least one of these things a week. It's terrible. My contract states I only have to deal with that Sora kid. Oh, and Roxas."_

As much as Gary Stu would have loved to play therapist to a creepy, disembodied voice in the middle of Kingdom Hearts-knows-where, he had much better things to do.

"Um…sorry about that, man. Think you can get me out of here, though?"

"_I thought you'd never ask!" _said the disembodied voice.

Suddenly, the world went white.

* * *

"Kid! Hey, kid! Wake up!"

Gary Stu's eyes fluttered open to see the face of middle-aged truck driver staring down at him, a cigarette half hanging out of the guy's mouth. Our protagonist turned his head to inspect the damage. His shirt was scratched- what a bother. Other than that, there was just about no damage done to his personage. No blood, no bruises, no nothing. His sunglasses had gone flying off, though.

He got up and dusted himself off, much to the small crowd that had apparently gathered around the scene of the accident's amazement. The cigarette even fell out of the truck driver's mouth in shock. Generally, Gary Stu should have resembled more or less a pancake, not just escaped the ordeal with just a scratch on his shirt and broken sunglasses.

"How are you not dead?" someone from the crowded asked. Next to the person who had asked what was probably echoing through everyone's minds, a girl screamed something incoherent (likely about how gorgeous Gary Stu was) and fainted. No one paid any attention, because supernatural thirteen year-olds are clearly more important.

"Because," Gary Stu shrugged nonchalantly, "that truck wasn't angsty enough to penetrate my perfect-ness."

With that, the tale of Gary Stu had begun.

* * *

**A/N:** Hopefully, I'll get the next update done tomorrow!


	2. Agent Feather Duster

Disclaimer: Guess who still doesn't own Kingdom Hearts? That would be me.

**A/N:** Happy New Year's, everyone!

* * *

**Chapter 2- Agent Feather Duster**

What Gary Stu failed to realize is that his logic didn't exactly work on ordinary, non-sparkly people. Getting people to blindly accept their logic was a Mary Sue's ability, not a Gary Stu's. After all, common sense dictates than anything a beautiful, rainbow woman says must be the truth, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Therefore, Gary Stu's comment went right over the crowd's heads.

"…Right," said the truck driver, "Let's get you to a hospital, kid."

"No, I don't need a hospital!" Gary Stu protested, making an attempt in vain to push past the crowd of people to get to the sidewalk café where the Sue slayers were sitting. His superhuman strength disappeared magically to make everyone sympathize with him more. Effectively, it didn't work. People just wanted to get this kid to the nearest hospital, and figure out how he was able to walk in those pants.

It was at this time when people started shouting things, which only added to our angsty protagonist's frustrations more.

"How did you survive?"

"Why are you so gorgeous?"

"Is that a sword?"

"MARRY ME!"

The girl who had passed out was still unconscious, but no one paid her any mind.

Gary Stu realized this wasn't going to get him anywhere. He needed to do something, fast, or his revenge plot would be blown. No doubt the Sue slayers had already realized that something was off about this accident, and he couldn't see them through the crowd. These stupid people, they were going to blow his entire plan! With a heavy sigh of frustration and disgust, the thirteen year-old angst dump turned around to face the onlookers.

"Do you guys know what you're doing here?" Gary Stu began lowly, but his voice grew louder as he went on. "This is time out of your life that you will never, ever get back. Ever. You're all going to die soon, so why are you wasting your time here on me? When you die, you're going to say, 'Gosh darn it, I really wish I hadn't wasted fifteen minutes of my time I could've spent doing something productive marveling at a boy who was hit by a truck.' It's going to happen, and you all know it! Your lives are already on a never-ending road to misery and despair!"

Just like that, Gary Stu managed to reduce about forty-eight people to tears, including burly grown men and three school kids. The effect, however, didn't work on two people in the crowd. One of them was an older women who really had to use the bathroom, and ran off as fast as her little legs could carry her halfway through the positively uplifting speech in search of a bathroom. The other was a girl, who looked to be around Gary Stu's age. She had bright, orange hair that looked she had slept by a fan and never seen a comb in her life. Behind a pair of thick glasses were green eyes. She wore a navy blue sweatshirt, black shirt, and blue sneakers. Her hands rested in the pocket of her sweatshirt, and she didn't look disturbed, or like she was on the verge of tears. She looked like she pitied him- which was odd, all things considered. It, quite frankly, baffled Gary Stu.

"Why aren't _you_ crying?" Gary Stu demanded, practically giving her a red-eyed death glare.

"Because," said the girl, "you're just lonely. You're lonely and you have no friends. You were probably picked on a lot, too. So that's why you need to constantly insult people; it makes you feel better about yourself. You need a self-esteem boost by lowering the self-esteem of others."

"Uh, no," Gary Stu raised an eyebrow. What _was_ this girl? She sure knew how to not shut up. Not only that, his sexy powers didn't work on her, nor did his emo ones. Did she even have a pulse? Was she a Sue slayer in disguise? Did the MSSF even recruit kids that young? There had to be some kind of labor law about that. "I just wanted to ditch you annoying people. I have plans. Who the heck are you? You better not have been that girl who asked me to marry you."

The girl smiled, amused. "No, why would I do that? My name's Karina. Karina Silver. I want to be a lawyer."

She took her hand out of her sweatshirt pocket and extended it for Gary Stu to shake, but he just stared at it like it had seven fingers and was the color chartreuse.

"A lawyer?" Gary Stu repeated, an idea forming in his head. "So you can sue people?"

_Maybe I can extract LEGAL revenge on Katelyn Hart instead!_ Thought the angsty prepubescent. _If this girl is a lawyer, then perhaps this crowd of people will pay off! I'm such a genius! Prepare to face the most epic battle of your life, Sue slayer - IN COURT!_

"Um, no, not exactly." Karina blinked. "I'm only thirteen. I haven't even finished middle school yet. I do know a bit about the law, though."

"…Oh." Gary Stu saw his entire plan shatter before his very eyes, but that wasn't exactly uncommon. He'd have to angst about this later. He made a mental note to do so after he'd faced the Sue slayers the way he originally intended. "Wait, how does a thirteen year-old know about the law?"

"How do you have a sword, then get hit by a truck and live?" Karina countered. "You look like you're no older than I am."

"Because I'm angsty and perfect at the same time, and you aren't." Gary Stu waved his hand dismissively, like she had just asked him if two plus two was four. "And for the record, I'm actually 78,888,944 years old, but I only _look_ thirteen due to a horrible freak accident that happened when I was thirteen."

Karina looked at him like he'd just commented that the earth split open and an army of cats emerged from the gigantic crack in the ground. "…Right. And I'm secretly a feather duster who works as a part-time FBI agent."

_What IS this girl?_

Suddenly, Gary Stu has a new plan. It was quite possibly more ridiculous than the last one, but perhaps it came from an inner longing to get everything off his chest. He would take this girl to where he had been hiding and pour his emo little heart out. His powers didn't seem to affect her anyway, so the probability of side effects was pretty low. By the time he did that, the crowd should have dissipated, along with the talk of the kid who got hit by a truck and lived. The Sue slayers (who Gary Stu apparently assumed spent all day at sidewalk cafes) would never expect a random kid to attack them at that point! It was perfect! He was glad he was such a genius.

He wondered why his plans never seemed to work very well.

"Okay, Agent Feather Duster," said Gary Stu, "come with me."

Karina has nothing better to do, and she really did pity this kid, so she shrugged. "Why not?"

* * *

After about ten minutes of doing so, Gary Stu managed to push through the sobbing (and fainted) crowd of onlookers. Once they'd noticed the object of their sobbing was gone, they all made a mad dash for the nearest box of Kleenex. Our protagonist led his new ginger victim to the spot he'd been hiding in- behind the building. He sat down and motioned for her to do the same.

"This is going to take a little while," he noted.

Karina complied and sat cross-legged. "You never even told me your name, by the way."

"It's Gary Stu," he replied, "but that's not really my name. It's a nickname. My real name…it's…well, it does damage to the people who hear it. It's not safe for me to say it."

"I'm pretty sure just hearing a name can't do that."

"Trust me, it can."

"Well, tell me what it is, and we'll see."

"…Are you sure?" asked Gary Stu. He didn't really want to hurt this girl, as annoying and persistent as she was. Was it possible…no, that thought was ridiculous. There was no way this girl could possibly become his friend. He wasn't meant to have friends. They significantly reduce angst levels, among other things. "I mean, really bad things can happen."

"I'm sure," said Karina, nodding.

Gary Stu drew in a breath. "It's Gary Raven Darkness Emo Depression Agonizing Blood Pain Suffering Loss Death Black Kentucky Fried Chicken Moon Night Cemetery Cremation Coffin The Stu."

Amazingly, Karina didn't seem to be fazed. She more or less just blinked at the sheer length of it, and at the thought of who would actually name their kid that. "…Is that all? And where did the 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' fit in with the overall depressing mood of your name?"

"Yeah, that's all." Gary Stu was quite amazed as well. That went better than expected. He was mentally preparing for this girl's intestines to sever her spinal chord to save her from hearing anything after "Raven". It was remarkable, really. "My sister got the longer name because she's more special than I am and our parents liked her better. And I don't know about the KFC bit. I didn't pick the name."

"They make longer names than _that_?"

"You'd be surprised," Gary Stu sighed, trying to end this pointless line of conversation. And by that, he meant that it was pointless because he wasn't the topic of said conversation. "Just call me 'Gary Stu', Agent Feather Duster."

"My name is Karina, El Emo."

El Emo once again waved his hand dismissively. It was at that moment that he noticed the most horrifying thing he'd ever seen out of the corner of his eye. It was more horrifying than watching Mufasa die in slow motion. More horrifying than the face that the entire _Twilight_ series was actually published. More horrifying than the prospect of Paris Hilton releasing another album. And it was _certainly_ more horrifying than the chick from _The Ring_.

Always one to keep his cool in tight situations, Gary Stu proceeded to scream like a little girl and hid behind Karina. Said ginger almost jumped. "What the heck is going on?"

Gary Stu pointed a trembling finger over her shoulder as the beast came fourth.

It was a dark shade of gray, with darker stripes along its body. Its feet and tail tip were white. Its eyes - its horrifying, soulless eyes - were a glowing shade of amber. Around its neck was a tiny bell that chimed whenever it took a step - Gary Stu was sure it symbolized death or something equally as deep. After all, no one ever made a point of such a small detail in any work of literature without it having some deep, symbolic meaning. The prospect of implying otherwise was completely absurd.

The beast let forth a great cry, which made Gary Stu practically jump out of his skin.

"Meow!"

"…You're kidding, right?" Karina asked, carefully observing the wild (and dangerous, in Gary Stu's humble opinion) creature. It cam forward and rubbed its head on the tip of her shoe, which caused our manly, never-faltering protagonist to tremble some more.

"Back, foul creature!" Gary Stu attempted to sound brave and manly in the face of such danger, but his voice came out more or less as a squeak.

"Relax!" Karina said, "He's only a kitten!"

"That thing is a monster!" Gary Stu spat. "It'll eat your brains when you're not looking! It feasts on baby's blood! It's the reason no one can find Waldo! It's is the reason your hair looks like it was attacked by a blender!"

"HE IS A KITT - wait," Karina suddenly caught the last bit of Gary Stu's comment and realized she was supposed to be affronted. "My hair looks like it was attacked by a blender?"

"Yes, and it evidently lost!"

Karina looked like she wanted to smack the trembling angst dump behind her, but she managed to retain her cool. The kitten meowed again and jumped playfully into her lap as Gary Stu let out a very manly (and dignified) shriek.

It was at that moment when Karina realized she should have stayed in bed that morning.

* * *

**A/N:** I have midterms coming up, but I will try and get the next update out before then!


	3. Kittens are Scary

Disclaimer: If I said I owned Kingdom Hearts, I'd be lying. So no, I do not own KH.

* * *

**Chapter 3- Kittens are Scary  
**

Karina picked up the playful little tabby kitten, and Gary Stu looked like he was going to scream. Of course, he was trying his best to retain his composure- which equated to shaking at the sight of the foul creature's large, amber-colored eyes.

"Aw, he's actually kinda cute." Karina smiled. "Who's a good little kitty? YOU'RE A GOOD LITTLE KITTY!"

At this point, Gary Stu realized he was no longer safe behind Karina, and relocated himself behind a conveniently placed blue mailbox that wasn't there five minutes ago. The plot device was large enough for a thirteen year-old such as himself to hide behind from menacing kittens.

"Meow!" meowed the kitten, clearly enjoying the attention he was getting.

"Disgusting," Gary Stu spat. He felt a lot better now that he was a safe distance away from the cat, and he was behind solid metal (rather than a frizzy-haired preteen girl). "Look how that thing twisted your mind into speaking to it like it's a baby! Clearly, it's a mind-control technique! Don't look into its eyes, or you'll be lost forever!"

Karina ignored his arrogant drivel in favor of playing with the kitten, clearly hypnotized by his soulless eyes. "You need a name. I think I'll name you…Snubbles Kawaii Cuteness Bumble Butt."

"Meow!" meowed Snubbles Kawaii Cuteness Bumble Butt, to show his appreciation for his new name.

"Weren't you listening to a word I was saying?" Gary Stu cried in frustration, poking his head out from behind the mailbox. No one ever listening to him! This was a repeating cycle, he swore it! No one ever listened to him, then they died. This girl just got her sanity and free-will taken captive by the most threatening, evil creature he could conjure, and all because she didn't listen! This is why they couldn't have nice things! He made a mental note to angst about this later. His list was getting rather long at this point.

"No, not really. Everything you say kinda sounds the same, you know," said Karina, lowering her new kitten to the ground. He jumped back into her lap. "What's your deal, anyway? You said you don't get off of lowering other people's self-esteem, so what's your problem?"

"Many things, girlie, many things." Gary Stu took this as an opportunity to flaunt his smoldering brooding skills. He lowered his head so his bangs shielded his melancholy red eyes. He gripped his right arm. "No one ever listens to me, then people get hurt. It's tough being me."

"…You can stop with the theatrics, you know, and just tell me the truth," Karina offered. "By the way, we're keeping the kitten."

_I swear on all things angsty, this girl is not human_, thought Gary Stu. _And what's with this 'we' business?_

"No, WE aren't keeping it!" he protested.

"Yes, WE are! And you avoided my question!"

"…Fine. I guess there's no sense in hiding things now," Gary Stu sighed. "…I'm perfect."

"…Oh, shut up," Karina said, folding her arms. "You aren't perfect. You may be a narcissist, but you're not _perfect_. Nobody's perfect."

"You wanna bet?" asked our favorite angsty hero. He reached into his pocket - Kingdom Hearts knows how he kept a pocket on those pants - and pulled out a certificate, and showed it to the ginger girl. She squinted her eyes to read it from far away.

"'Certificate of Perfectness'? Since when do they make those?"

"Meow!"

"If you'll let me finish," Gary Stu said calmly, even though he felt a vein throbbing in his forehead in a rather cartoonish manner, "I'll explain. I went to Mary Sue's School for Mary Sue Magic People, and I graduated the middle school program there. When you graduate the middle school class, you get a 'Certificate of Perfectness'. Make sense now?"

"No," said Karina blankly. "What's a 'Mary Sue'?"

"Someone who's perfect and amazing. Like me. Only I'm a guy, and therefore a Gary Stu," said the preteen angstdump impatiently. "Look, this conversation is getting us nowhere. I'd love to stay here and chat, but I have a sister to av-"

Karina shook her head disbelievingly. "We should try and make you a better person."

"I don't know where you keep getting this _we_ from, and I am just fine in terms of being a decent human being!" Gary Stu snapped.

"Meow!" meowed Snubbles Kawaii Cuteness Bumble Butt. "Meow meow meow meow meow!"

"No, Snubbles, or whatever your name is, I am not being a prick!"

Karina frowned. "Then why don't you humor me? Prove to me that you're a good person and I'll leave you alone forever."

"Fine!" Gary Stu stood up. Of course, he did want to kill the Sue Slayers (namely obe Katelyn Hart), but that could momentarily be put on hold. His manly pride was at stake. He was not going to be defeated by a frizzy-haired smart aleck. "Take me to the nearest nursing home, and I'll read to the elderly!"

"Uh, you usually read to or-"

"TO THE NURSING HOME!"

* * *

"…Why aren't we at the nursing home?" Gary Stu demanded, still very much standing exactly where he had been previously.

"Well, you can't just scream where you want to go, insert a page cut, and expect to be there," Karina explained, "You generally have to actually _go there."_

"Meow!" agreed Snubbles.

"Hey, only I can break the fourth wall, girlie!" Gary Stu pouted. "Fine. Time to _teleport_ to the nursing home!"

* * *

Kairi had always enjoyed the sunset on the islands during the summertime. The sky turned a pinkish-orange, and the water appeared to be red. Even if the place she had learned to call home had been totally destroyed by the darkness less than a week ago, it was impossible to tell. It had been completely restored to the way it had been before some idiot went and opened the Door to Darkness after Mr. Disembodied Voice clearly said that was a bad idea. No one listens anymore.

The Princess of Heart found herself sitting on the docks of the island where she, Sora, and Riku used to play. Those two were gone now, but she knew they'd be back. Sora had more worlds to save, and Riku…well, Kingdom Hearts only knew what he was doing. It had to do with being locked behind a random door with a cartoon mouse or something like that.

Staring out at the sunset, she felt a poem coming on. It was almost as if an artistic sack of bricks had hit her in the face at thirty-four miles an hour, or something equally as specific.

"Thinking of you, wherever you are," she said dreamily, when suddenly, she heard a large crash behind her, and then the meowing of a cat. If Kairi wasn't so used to crazy things happening around her recently, she probably would have been more surprised. It was like she had become some kind of weirdo magnet. Sora must have been contagious. So, she stood up and turned to see what had happened, rather than screaming and calling the police.

Sprawled out on the beach in front of her was a girl with frizzy orange hair, who was laying face-down in the sand. On top of her was a rather emo-looking young man with a tabby kitten on his back.

By Kairi's standards, this was wholly unsurprising, and probably one of the more relatively normal things that had happened to her lately.

The orange-haired girl looked up, her face covered with sand. Kairi was amazed the glasses on her face hadn't broken. "You _idiot!_ I told you to just use MapQuest! But _nooo!_ You had to be fancy and _teleport!"_

"I'm usually good at teleporting!" Gary Stu fired back. "It was the stupid kitten that was distra- _AHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

Gary Stu let out a piercing, very dignified scream as he jumped up what must have been ten feet upon noticing who was located on his back. Snubbles flew off Gary Stu, but gracefully landed on his feet in the sand. Cats possess the uncanny ability to do that, even if shot off wailing, angsty preteen boys like a furry cannonball.

"Meow!" Snubbles meowed cutely.

Karina stood up and brushed herself off. She took off her glasses and cleaned the with her shirt. "Calm down, Gary."

"N-No!" said a trembling Gary Stu, who had also gracefully landed on his butt after his manly…episode. "I'm going to _die_, Katrina or Karlina or whatever your name is! I have to burn my clothes now since that _thing_ touched me!"

"It's _Karina,_ and you're not going to die!"

"…Um," Kairi offered, who had been standing there and quietly watching the scene before her unfold. It was much better than cable. "Do you guys need any help? My name is Kairi, by the way."

"Hi, Kairi, my name is Karina Sn-"

"WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A SPARE CHANGE OF CLOTHES?" wailed Gary Stu, much to Karina's indignation.

Kairi nodded, deciding not to question what was going on. "Follow me."

* * *

Back in the Crossed City, MSSF officers Katelyn "Kate" Hart (the target of Gary Stu's convoluted revenge plot) and Matthew "Matt" Stone (who also existed) were no longer sitting at the sidewalk café. No, they had more important things to be doing, now that some boy had gotten hit by a bus and survived with, apparently, "Not so much as a scratch on him". Not only that, he put forty-eight people on the verge of an emotional breakdown and into deep reflection into how meaningless their lives were. It sounded awfully suspicious to the Sue Slayers, who decided to investigate the scene of the accident.

"How does a prepubescent boy get hit by a bus and survive without getting seriously injured?" Matt asked, crouching lowly. He closely examined the road for signs of things that wouldn't ordinarily be at the scene of a traffic accident.

"How does that same kid make forty-eight people cry like that?" Kate responded.

"WHY WON'T HE MARRY ME?" screamed a random girl from the other end of the street. A brick promptly came flying out of nowhere and nailed her in the head.

Kate and Matt looked at each other and blinked.

"…I'll go get a medical team on that," Kate said slowly, taking out her cell phone. She got up and went to go call a team of medical specialists to treat the unfortunate girl.

Matt signed and went back to investigating. He ran his fingers over the asphalt. _That was weird, the road felt…sticky,_ he thought, as he examined his hand. On his fingers was a black, glittery substance that shimmered in the sunlight.

"…What are they using in road construction, nowadays?" Matt wondered aloud as Kate came back from her phone call.

"The medics will be over soon. And why?" she asked.

Matt showed her his hand. "That's why. There's only two explanations I can think of for this sparkly stuff: either they're using some new kind of asphalt, or there was a Gary Stu loose around here."

Kate frowned. "Gary Stus aren't too common, Matt."

"I know," he said, "But they definitely exist. I mean, there's _Twilight."_

"Yes, but you know as well as I do the deal we made with them." Kate folded her arms.

Matt nodded. "That we won't interfere with them so long as they keep to themselves and don't interfere with other fandoms or us."

"So unless they have a death wish, there shouldn't be any sparkly vampires running around out here. Besides, we would have seen someone sparkle like a disco ball by now if there was one."

"There are more Gary Stus out there than _Twilight,_" Matt said. "Think about it, Kate. He got his by a bus and lived. He left sparkly blood on the road. He made forty-eight people break down into tears. He has a random girl chasing after him. There's only one logical explanation."

"He's Chuck Norris," Kate said seriously.

Matt gave her an exasperated look.

"I was kidding. I see what you mean," Kate said. She offered a hand to Matt to help him up. He took her hand with the hand that wasn't covered in sparkly Stu blood and pulled himself off the ground.

"What are you going to do, then?" he asked.

"What do you think I'm going to do?" Kate put her hands in her pocket and fingered her badge. "I'm going to eliminate him, of course."

* * *

**A/N:** I'm so sorry this update took so long! Hopefully, the next one won't have this long a wait.


	4. Neko

Disclaimer: I still don't own KH.

* * *

**Chapter 4 - Neko**

At the same time Gary Stu was screaming like a little girl, in the clouds above Hogwarts, a lavender-haired Mary Sue came back to Mary Sue's School for Mary Sue Magic People from Starbucks, sipping her caffeinated drink and swinging the keys to her jet-powered unicorn around her delicate index finger.

"This day could not get any better," said the drop-dead gorgeous young woman, her hair (that went to her ankles) pristinely blowing in the wind that had just started around five minutes ago. It had apparently just got the memo that the main focus of the chapter had gotten back from getting coffee, and needed to make her look dramatic. "Granted, it did take them an obnoxiously long time to get my order right! Gosh, it's so very basic. I just wanted a skinny caramel macchiato frappuccino, with a shot of espresso drizzled on top, chocolate sauce, and an extra shot of sparkle dust! The nerve of some people."

This young lady's name, as everyone is probably wondering, was Neko. That was, of course, a nickname; her true name was long than Mary Sue 53-Name's, well…53 names. The name "Neko" came from the fact that she had animal appendages, which made total sense for all occasions. She had pink cat (or kawaii desu sugoi teriyaki chicken neko) ears and a tail, and wore a pink minidress that hardly covered anything at all. Shoes were for the weak. And by weak, that means people who don't have gigantic and largely impractical feathery wings sticking out of their backs and can therefore levitate.

Using her SUPAH NEKO SENSES (trademark), she smelled that something was off. Of course she could smell when things were wrong, Superman probably can. Anyway, a dreadful feeling began welling up in the bottom of her lower intestine.

"My neko senses are tingling!" She explained to no one in particular. "Come, obviously sarcastic and uninterested narrator! Let us go see what is the matter!"

While simultaneously breaking the fourth wall and forgetting that contractions exist, Neko flew through the jet-powered unicorn parking lot and to the wreckage of her once-beloved school. Why she hadn't noticed it was a pile of rubble before is anyone's guess.

"Oh, goodness!" Neko almost dropped her Starbucks, but then remembered how much it cost, and gently placed it down to go into her miserable tirade. Hey, she didn't make much money at her job that will never be seen nor referenced to again. Dropping to her knees, she buried her face in her hands. "How could this have happened?! I was only gone for three hours! I'll have to use my SUPAH EXPOSITION POWAHS (trademark) to find out what happened!"

Neko place her hands on her temples, standing up. Suddenly, it all began to come to her. "So…Matthew Stone of the Mary Sue Slayer Force destroyed the school for being a producer of Mary Sues. I am but one of the only survivors. Therefore, the only logical step is to extract revenge on the Slayers in an extremely convoluted and needlessly complicated way!"

The young woman frowned, picking up a piece of what was probably a wall. "Alas, I am going to need some help. My SUPAH AMAZIN POWAHS (trademark) only extend so far. I shall start this plan by not talking to myself anymore."

In the process of spinning around to laugh manically, she knocked over her Starbucks. It spilled all over the cloud…stuff, which probably cause it to rain skinny caramel macchiato frappucino with espresso drizzled on top, chocolate sauce, and an extra shot of sparkle dust on wherever over England they were.

"NOOO!" Screamed Neko, dropping to her knees once again. "My precious Starbucks! My extremely convoluted and needlessly complicated plan to destroy the Sue Slayers will have to wait! I cannot destroy things without my daily shot of sparkle dust!"

Enraged, she grabbed the keys to her jet-powered unicorn and stormed off to go get more coffee.

* * *

Meanwhile, our ever-angsting protagonist was sitting at Kairi's kitchen table, with a towel draped around his shoulders. Every once in a while, he would look up to glare at Snubbles, who was sitting across from him, on his own chair.

Kairi had taken the liberty of taking our heroes back to the mayor's house, where she lived, after Gary Stu flipped the hell out when Snubbles had sat on him. She didn't get why he was so upset about the kitten touching him (something about Snubbles having no soul and dying when the thing touched him, but so far, he seemed okay), but oh well. Normally, it isn't advisable to bring random strangers you find off the beach back your house, but hey, this is a Square-Enix game. Safety laws and common sense are relative.

"You sure you don't have a change of clothes that can fit me?" Gary Stu asked miserably, giving Snubbles another glare. Said kitten just rolled over and meowed cutely.

"No," replied Kairi, who was making sandwiches in the kitchen. "Not unless you want to wear one of my skirts, anyway."

Gary Stu paled at the thought. "I'll risk death, thanks."

"So, Gary," Karina said, "How's that teleportation thing working out for you?"

He glared at her. "Shut. Up. I don't know how this happened, okay?"

"Gasp!" Karina placed her hands on her checks and gave an exasperated, Home Alone-style face. "The great Gary Stu doesn't know what happened? I'm in shock!"

Gary Stu gave her a death glare that probably could've sent a small animal into shock. Karina was unfazed. His annoyance only grew. _Is this girl even human? I swear, she's not human._

"Um, I hate to interrupt, but," Kairi interrupted, "Where are you guys from?"

"I'm not so sure he's from this universe." Karina motioned to the traumatized and thoroughly pissed off Gary Sty. "But I'm from the Crossed City."

"You're from another world?" Kairi stopped making her sandwiches for a moment and poked her head out of the kitchen. There was a bit of hope in her eyes, and she seemed more excited now. "Have you run into a boy named Sora? He has spiky brown hair and big yellow shoes. And a Keyblade. He's really sweet."

Karina shook her head. "Haven't seen him, sorry."

"Nope," Gary Stu replied. "Never heard of him."

Kairi looked crestfallen. "Oh…"

"Friend of yours?" Gary Stu asked. Seeing as his glare was futile, he looked away from Karina and leaned back in his chair. He seemed to have calmed down a bit and hadn't exploded yet, which, depending on your opinion of him, was either a good or a bad thing.

"He's one of my two best friends." Kairi walked out of the kitchen and took the seat next to Snubbles, who had since curled up and decided to take a nap. She proceeded to tell Gary Stu and Karina everything that had happened to her- about the islands being destroyed, how she had lost her heart, Sora being the hero of the Keyblade and restoring the worlds, and how she had been separated from her friends and sent home.

"Wow," Karina said, once Kairi had finished her story. "That's…wow. What a story. I'm glad you and your friends are okay."

Kairi smiled sadly. "Thank you, but Riku's still trapped on the other side of the Door to Darkness."

Gary Stu folded his arms. He wasn't sure what to say for the first time in his entire life. His feelings were doing something he had never quite experienced before. Did he feel…_sorry_ for this girl? After everything she and her friends had gone through, she hadn't gotten her happy ending. Sora was who-knows-where, Riku was gone, and she was sent home with no way of knowing if they were alright. That wasn't fair. They were only kids. Kairi should've gotten her happy ending with her friends.

Wait a minute, he was the master of angst himself! He wasn't supposed to go around sympathizing with girl he'd met maybe an hour or two earlier, even if she had shown him kindness. He was supposed to make people sympathize with him for no other really reason than the fact that he was a big ball of angst! What was going on?

"Gary? You okay?" Karina asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. "You zoned out for a couple of minutes and were kind of staring at me."

"Sorry," he grumbled.

"Did you just _apologize?_"

"Don't let it get to your head."

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light, and Gary Stu quickly shielded his face with his hands to protect his sensitive eyes. When the light faded and he uncovered his face, a girl he didn't recognize was standing in front of the table. He guessed that she was one of his sister's friends, judging by the cat ears and ridiculous (even by his standards) outfit.

"Who," he inquired eloquently, "the hell are you?"

The girl made a face, wrinkling her nose. "So vulgar, Gary Stu. _Tut-tut._ This is a Disney-based universe, no swearing. Moving on. I'm here to enlist your help."

Karina gave him a confused look, but Gary Stu ignored her for a minute. "Well, you can find someone else to help you. Not interested."

"Oh?" the sparkling girl smiled knowingly. "You haven't even heard what I want your help for. I think you will be interested in what I have to say."

Not giving him a chance to interrupt, she reached into one of her pockets (how a pocket actually fit on her dress is up for artistic interpretation) and pulled out a piece of what appeared to be a wall. "What do you think this is, Gary Stu?"

"…Oh my God, you held up a Home Depot."

"No! Imbecile. I have SUPAH AMAZIN HOME IMPROVEMENT POWAHS (trademark), so why would I need to do something that idiotic? Ahem." She drew in a deep breath, regaining herself. "My name is Neko. This is all that's left of Mary Sue's School for Mary Sue Magic People."

"You mean that sparkling abomination my sister went to?" Gary Stu frowned. "What happened to it?"

"Someone destroyed it, obviously. And by someone, I mean the Mary Sue Slayer Force." She waved her hand and the piece of wall she was holding disappeared. "I know you begrudge them just as much as I, Gary Stu."

Gary Stu opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. That's right- they were the whole reason he'd started off on this extremely sidetracked revenge scheme to begin with. It had actually begun to slip his mind that it was his motivation this entire time. They had killed his sister, so it was obvious that he had to extract revenge. But was that what he really wanted now? By the God of Angst, he was confused. What was happening to him lately?

He put his head in hands as Neko continued. "Join me, Gary Stu. Together, we can bring the Sue Slayers to their knees."

"You're insane!" Karina said, then looked at Gary Stu. "Gary, no. You wouldn't help her…right?"

"Come now, my dearest Gary Raven Darkness Emo Depression Agonizing Blood Pain Suffering Loss Death Black Kentucky Fried Chicken Moon Night Cemetery Cremation Coffin The Stu. Are you going to listen to this girl? She has ridiculous hair, to boot."

"Hey, whose hair are you calling ridic-"

"ENOUGH!" Gary Stu interrupted, getting up out of his seat. "If I want revenge on them, I can do it myself. I may not know what's going on in my head anymore, but…" he glanced over his shoulder at Kairi, Karina, and the sleeping Snubbles. "I know who my…_acquaintances_ are. You're nothing but bad news, Neko."

"Fine!" The Mary Sue spat, he peaceful lilac as suddenly turning to red. She had a peculiar red glow around her, as well. "You can perish along with your so-called acquaintances for all I care! I was merely trying to spare you their fate! Good day, Gary Stu!"

In another bright flash of rage, she vanished.

"…What just happened?" Kairi asked slowly.

"I'm not too sure," Karina replied, blinking. "'Acquaintances'? Really?"

"Shut up, I just saved your ass." Gary Stu plopped back down on his chair and resumed placing his head in his hands and trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Did he really just turn down an offer for help with his revenge scheme in favor of helping two girls he barely knew and a _kitten?_

Karina looked at him with concern as Kairi sat quietly, pondering over the mysterious Neko and her amazing home improvement powers. About ten minutes went by of awkward silence before she got up and went back to the kitchen.

"…What did you guys want on your sandwiches, again?"

* * *

**A/N: **I'm so sorry I take forever with updates! Senior year is killing me, you guys. Well, not really, but my stress levels are up the wazoo. I also had a major case of writer's block, but hopefully, that's gone now. Thank you all so much for putting up with me and sticking around for more Gary Stu antics! I'll try and be quicker with updates from now on.


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